


Reflection

by lyricalsoul



Series: Hiatus [13]
Category: Sherlock Holmes (1984 TV), Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle
Genre: Granada 'verse - Freeform, M/M, Sherlock Angst, repost of old stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-27
Updated: 2012-08-27
Packaged: 2017-11-13 00:06:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/497181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lyricalsoul/pseuds/lyricalsoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Holmes does a bit of thinking whilst waiting for Watson to wake up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reflection

Watson takes a shuddering breath, and before I can prevent it, I let out a cry of relief. I do not think I should have lived had he died within minutes of my return.

I lay my head on his chest, and listen to the comforting beat of his heart.

That I missed him is an understatement. As much as I was obligated to fulfill my promise to that Great Person on the throne, to leave my dear one when the feelings between us were so new nearly destroyed me.

The Watson I left behind was a vibrant, caring man.

The one that I have come home to is none of those things. My Watson would not have held a gun to my head, would not have struck me, nor cursed me.

Mycroft kept me in the dark as to Watson's condition. He did tell me of his wife's unfortunate death, but I had no idea he'd taken such a downward turn. Though he seems the picture of vim and vigor to the untrained eye, I observe that it is not so.

His eyes are dulled with the effects of a deep, hidden pain, and it is only recently that he has stopped drinking heavily. His fingernails, hair, and moustache have been unkempt for a long while, and I can see that he has regained weight in the last few months.

I suppose it was fanciful of me, but this is not how I envisioned my return. I did not expect to be embraced as though a soldier returning from the battlefield, but the pain and obvious suffering that permeates from his entire being is far cry from what I expected. Also, I did not expect that Lestrade would be here, watching over him like a mother bear with her cub. This unforeseen detail is rather surprising, as is the intimacy between them. Knowing that Watson wouldn't declare his love for me if he loved another, this... thing between them must be borne of my untimely demise. While not necessarily surprising that Watson should seek comfort, I do find it odd that it should be Lestrade in the role of comforter.

These past years away from him have been sheer torture for me. I did not have great regard for myself or my health, and it has taken its toll on my well-being. In spite of all that has transpired in my own life, I do love Watson. And I missed him so much at times that I was hard-pressed to carry out my duties. I came back here in the hopes that Watson would set me on the path to recovery, and that we could rekindle the flame that burned so brightly between us.

I am not so foolish as to believe my road back to his heart will be easy. There is, of course, Lestrade to deal with. And Watson himself doesn't seem inclined to set things right between us. Or even meet me halfway.

I can only hope that whatever he felt for me is still buried deep inside, and that one day soon, he will love me once again.

And that he will find it in his heart to forgive me.

I can only hope.


End file.
